I turned off my Cell phone, and stayed offline for over 3 weeks avoiding him. There were so many email’s and messages on my phone I didn’t try to count them. ‘Are you avoiding me?’ the messages said. ‘Where are you baby?’ they said. ‘I miss you sweetheart.’ I read them all, I was in tears. I had hurt us both. Robert was a handsome young man full of life and love and I felt as if I had ripped his heart out along with my own. All the phone sex we had and I played with myself until I came while he listened and masturbated along with me. The times I had tweaked my own nipples wishing it had been him, using my large dildo as he told me the many ways he would satisfy me. And it had all been a terrible lie because I was afraid to tell the truth about what I looked like and what I thought all men wanted. I knew nothing of the web sites where men lust and love what is called a BBW. I never thought of myself as a BBW, a Big Beautiful Woman. I was always taunted as a fat girl, one that a guy. A day I was so happy, complete. But the new day wasn’t as bright. And a week later, some doubt returned. Shaking my head again, I press my eye and stare. Could it just be my imagination? A trick of the light, or the mind, an anniversary reminder of what was… I move away from the door, mind working. What shall I say? What will YOU say? Knees weak, I sit on a chair. My eyes on the door, jumping when the doorbell rings again. Where would I start? Some things must never be said, or told. I swallowed them long ago. I think now of what has changed with me. Wondering if I’ve really changed at all, and have you. Will you like my current girlfriend? I thought it was her I was rushing to meet. I’m sure you’d like her. She’s pretty and sweet and kind, funny. We met through a common friend, you know her, they work together. They were lovers but it didn’t last, their needs were not the same. Blushing now, knowing that you will ask and I will shake my head no. She’s not like that, not like you..
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